Why Relationships Don’t Work Anymore.
People often ask me why relationships don’t work anymore. What went wrong with their relationship? They thought they were really happy, and that they had a great relationship with their partner, but now feel there is a relationship breakdown.
So why isn’t it working anymore?
Communication is key in any relationship, and having good listening skills is a great way to start.
“Listen without judgement or interrupting”
Not only will your partner feel you care, but they will also feel valued. You will also learn a lot about your partner, simply because you have stopped making assumptions – which are often the wrong ones. You are taking the time to understand your partner’s point of view. This will help your partner realise that you can’t read their mind and that they have to tell you what they want. By paying full attention to your partner, learning about how they operate in the world you will start building a much better relationship and stop a relationship breakdown.
We each function differently in the world. Whereas one person may want to talk about things when there is an argument and resolve the issues immediately – the other may just want to crawl into their cave and lick their wounds, venturing out when they feel the coast is clear. When the one who wants to resolve it keeps on, the other is likely to retreat further into their cave, seeking a place safety. It doesn’t help of course. But the more they are pushed and nagged, the worse things will become. So it’s obvious these tactics will only make things worse.
Talking to each other when things are calm. Explain to your partner how it feels when they behave in that way. It’s much more effective. Explain how it feels for you. Then negotiate together on the best way to deal with things the next time there is a row. You will find it a great start.
Caring for your partner is important. It means being considerate and taking your partner’s feelings into account. Being self-centred often leads to ignoring your partner’s needs and making them feel worthless and unloved.
Conversely, demonstrations of affection, and letting your partner know how much you love and care about them on a regular basis encourages connection. Relationships are partnerships, and as such remember that your lover is also your partner – not your skivvy to be taken for granted. Treat each other respectfully, as you would wish to be treated. Often when people settle into the routine of their relationship they stop being polite to each other, which only leads to contempt.
Be committed to making your relationship work. That means through the bad times as well as the good, even when the going gets tough. There are always going to be bad times in life because there are many things we just can’t control. Ill health, financial worries, redundancy, a death of a close family member, all of which can be hard to cope with.
However, if you have open communication and care for each other, it will make it easier to be committed to each other and the relationship through the difficult times.
Seek the help you need to fix your relationship.
When relationships don’t work anymore, or as well as you want them to and you can’t find the answer yourselves and feel there is a relationship breakdown, there is no shame in seeking outside relationship help and support.
In fact, those who seek relationship advice from a specialist are much more likely to build better relationships. So don’t dismiss couple counselling. The alternative is a broken relationship and a lot of heartache.
If you want to find out more, then contact me here – http://yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk/contact-us/