What are your expectations? Of yourself, your partner, your world.
We all have expectations, but sometimes they can be unrealistic. For example if you live in the UK it would be totally unrealistic to expect temperatures of 40 degrees every day from May to September.
If you were fearful of heights would you expect to be able to stand on the edge of a high cliff? I know that I would be unable to do that!
If your partner is not a car mechanic would you expect them to service or repair your car?
It goes much further than this though. Because at times we expect others to see the world in the same way as we do.
But that is an unrealist expectation. Because we each have our own map of the world. We come from different backgrounds, different family systems and we have each had different experiences. So when we expect others to see the world from our point of view we will be disappointed. The other cannot live up to our expectations. We made those rules about what we expect from them.
What happens is that you develop unrealistic expectations of them and how they should respond to you. You take the view that if you would behave in a particular way, then that is how they would/should. You make sweeping statements like ‘ I would expect them to reply/respond/ behave in that way.
But this can only end in disappointment and often arguments, because they don’t live up to your expectations. This then creates problems in your relationship.You become more and more frustrated because you don’t understand each others way of being.
You become frustrated because your priorities aren’t the same as your partner’s. Why can’t they understand that leaving the washng up until the next morning make you feel uncomfortable, just like someone running their finger nails down a blackboard! I know this is quite a small thing in the scheme of things, but it’s just the kind of thing that causes discord in a relationship. And then things escalate quite quickly into bigger issues.
Because you are each different you each have a different map of the world.
So spend time together discovering more about their map, no one is wrong – just different.