The HeartAche of A Relationship Breakup | Your Relationship Specialist

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The HeartAche of A Relationship Breakup


Photo by Luke Shaw

When we come out of a long-term relationship, whether we living together or married it  can be really painful, even if we decided to end it. There is often a huge sense of loss……….

  • The partner we fell in love with
  • All the dreams and plans we made together
  • What could have been
  • Regret that things didn’t work out
  • Unanswered questions
  • Why did it all go wrong

We spend hours trying to figure all of these things out whilst at the same time having to get on with our everyday lives.  But we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off, and get on with doing all the practical things that need to be done, but actually just going through the motions.

Taking care of the children involved, of their needs and feelings of loss. Having to deal with moving schools, and all the disruption that causes. Let alone all of us having to make new friends. Feelings of immense guilt surface because they didn’t ask for any of this. They have split loyalties, because they love us and their dad. They just want their lives back to normal, with mum and dad back together.

That was part of my story. It was a difficult time, but I got through it, because there is no other choice.

What I was left with though was a complete lack of confidence. The belief that I had carried since childhood of not being good enough was embedded even further into my brain. I believed I was worthless, that no one else would want me.

When I explored deeper I found that I didn’t really know who I was. I had spent my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. I was a people pleaser.  But I realised I had to change, and find the real me.  So, I took those small steps to do just that, and began to find me, who wasn’t a bad person after all. No saint for sure, but we all have those parts of us. We would rather not acknowledge, but it makes us the person we are.

That is what led me to do what I do now. I help people find their true selves so they can then find the relationship they want.

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