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The cost of saving a relationship

The most frustrating conversations I have are with those people who contact me and the first question they ask is –

‘How much?’

Whilst I understand that most of us need to work to a budget, to ask that as the first question says to me they really don’t value their relationship very much. Because if you really want something badly enough you will do anything to save it.

• They don’t ask how I might be able to help them
• They don’t ask whether I am the right person to help them
• They don’t even have a phone conversation with me

Just – ‘How Much’

I recently had such a conversation. A guy contacted me saying he was really unhappy in his relationship but his wife refused to get help, blaming him for all the problems. If that was the case it would seem sensible for them both to talk about the issues with someone who is not emotionally involved. He also saw no point in spending money on making his relationship with the most important person in his life better. Preferring to spend the money on an expensive holiday, believing all they needed was some time away.

During the conversation, we talked about the high financial and emotional cost of divorce and he told me that his mate’s divorce had cost around £30,000!

He finally decided he wanted to come and talk to me, and we started to make the arrangements. All went well until I told him the cost of the initial consultation. At which point he said it was far too expensive.

This is the guy who had previously told me the likely financial cost of divorce! It just didn’t make any sense to me.

So this couple is prepared to continue being unhappy, papering over the cracks, which are continually getting bigger, trying to distract themselves with other things, expensive holidays, gadgets etc. and ignoring the basic problems. And like so many others I know of who won’t/can’t seek help and support to resolve issues, they will remain being miserable or join the statistics of those 42% whose marriages end in divorce each year.

The cost being in the region of £30,000, let alone the emotional cost to each of them and their children. Weighed against the investment of dealing with the issues that made them both unhappy is a no-brainer.

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