Why putting your kids before your partner won’t build a better relationship.
When you first got together with that very special person in your life, they were the centre of your world as you were to them. You jointly made the decision to have a baby, because you loved each other and you wanted to create something special between you. Making an already wonderful relationship into a happy family, and an even better relationship with your partner. A baby demands a lot of time in the early months and their needs mainly need to come first, and the danger is that you will neglect your partner, and you will drift apart.
As a Relationship Coach I see this happening time after time. Parents, and sadly more often than not mums, put their partner’s needs secondary to their children’s. When I challenge women they tell me that their partner has to understand the children must come first. So it’s ok to neglect the most important person in your life, with whom you created this new life together? How would it feel if it was the other way round?
If you want a happy marriage your partner needs to come before your children because:
- Your partner is just that – your partner, lover and best friend. They are not your house mate or a sperm donor. Too often I hear people saying they are good friends with their partner, but that’s all. They get along together on a daily basis but the magic has gone. They never cuddle and can’t remember the last time they had sex. It’s become a relationship of convenience, being cook, taxi driver, cleaner, financial provider. They feel taken for granted and unappreciated. Is it any wonder? That’s a very dangerous place to be in, because if your partner feels neglected, they can so easily turn to someone outside of the relationship who pays them attention. Great relationships take time and effort. You can’t build better relationships by taking your partner for granted, and treating worse than you would your dog.
- Remember your children will leave home one day, and if you haven’t kept the relationship alive, the chances are when the glue that held it together disappears – your child – your relationship with your partner becomes unglued, and disintegrates. Neglected marriages and relationships take a lot more work to reignite and build into a better relationship. Whereas when you take the time to keep the magic alive and together enjoy the relationship with your children when they finally leave you will have the firm foundations to continue enjoying each other.
- If you and your partner aren’t united in raising your children, they will play you against each other, which can cause real conflict, not only between parents but also with the children and parents. Children really need strong boundaries to feel safe and secure and when the boundaries are wobbly they can feel lost. It also doesn’t create good role models for them to replicate when they become partners and parents. It certainly isn’t healthy for any child to believe they are the centre of the universe!
If you are hitting some bumps in the road and you want to ensure your relationship doesn’t irrevocably breakdown. If you want to build a better relationship, why not sign up for my newsletter and receive regular articles and news. Sign up here