Planning a wedding | Your Relationship Specialist

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Planning a wedding

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How exciting – you have decided to get married!  And you start planning the wedding. So much to think about. The date, venue, catering, invitees, choosing the major participants such as best man, bridesmaids.

As exciting as it can all be it can also be extremely stressful. Weddings have become more and more elaborate – and costly.  As couples vie to have the best, most expensive, and lavish event than their friends before them.

Hen and stag parties

These too have become more extravagant, often turning into weekend events, with venues abroad. Lots of alcohol is often consumed and sadly there are times this evokes misunderstandings, arguments or even fights.


This too has become more and more lavish as couples decide to go further and further afield to exotic locations. Adding to the expense.

Spending huge amounts of money on a wedding does not mean it will make the marriage any better

In fact I would suggest that if it means there are huge debts incurred it is not a great start to marriage.

The tradition of the father of the bride paying for the wedding does not happen as often these days. This could be as a result of parents splitting up and forming new relationships. Meaning there is not sufficient funds to pay for the wedding.

Wealthier families may still conform to tradition, or there are the forward planning families who have saved for their daughter’s wedding.

These days it seems far more usual for couples to pay for the event themselves.

Moving on to the emotional issues that I have experienced myself as well with friends and family, including upsets and arguments about who should or should not be on the guest list.

People feeling snubbed if they are not invited and at times others boycott the wedding in protest.

It all mars the event. Making the lead up to what should be a joyful celebration stressful and anxiety making.

The bride to be can often feel she is not the right size or shape and launches into a fitness and weight regime. Adding to the building of pressure.

The couple want a fairytale wedding, aiming for utopia. I wonder whether this is to falsely keep the magic alive – the Romantic Love they experienced at the start of their relationship. They get frustrated if and when things don’t go to plan, (which is expecting a lot) for in real life mishaps happen and things go awry.

I often wonder what this is about. Do the couple fear that if they don’t have the fairytale wedding it will break the spell?

I also wonder if sometimes it is peer pressure and a sense of wanting to out do others. Just who are they in competition with? I think they often lose sight of what a wedding is about.

Two people joining together and making a commitment to stay together, loving and caring for each other, through the bad times as well as the good times. They invite their friends and family to witness and celebrate this

The day arrives amid much excitement and angst. Will everyone involved be well for the day? Will either the bride or groom change their minds at the last minute? Heaven forbid!

I have heard of the wedding flowers being dead on arrival, the cake getting damaged on the way to the venue, the cars not turning up….. As well as many other catastrophes. It’s called life, and these things can happen. But there is so much pressure on ensuring the day is perfect, it just adds to anxieties.

I recall on the day of my wedding I went to the hairdressers in the morning and then to a friends for a cuppa. Just to avoid all the angst and mayhem occurring back at home. It was a wise move as I returned to the house with everyone else in a tiz,  but I felt calm and relaxed and just disappeared into my bedroom to get ready, leaving the hubbub downstairs. My mother was always stressed so it was good for me to keep my, distance.   By today’s standards the wedding was quite a modest affair, but it was enjoyed by everyone, especially me.

Although over the years I have experienced some awful behaviour, often fuelled by alcohol, including fights between guests, often spoiling what should be a joyful celebration.

The wedding night

After such an eventful day, one or both can feel tired and maybe have drunk a little too much alcohol. So a night of passion maybe unlikely.

So take the pressure off yourselves and remember you have the rest of your lives together. Enjoy being together, just cuddling up. It’s just as nice to experience intimacy without having full sex.

The honeymoon

Many couples nowadays quite wisely delay their honeymoon until some time after the wedding. For whilst it’s nice to get away and relax, with all the excitement of the big day newly weds may feel too exhausted to travel immediately after the wedding. But if you do decide to go away straight after the wedding, remember to be kind to yourself and each other. Otherwise you will be starting married life experiencing arguments, and the longed for holiday of your dreams may turn into a nightmare. Not a great start to the marriage.

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