I believe the media, romantic novels, films and TV shows have created an unrealistic view of relationships. This has the effect of couples expecting more than can be reasonably delivered by anyone or any relationship.
No one person can meet all our needs
By clinging onto these expectations you may feel robbed of something that actually isn’t real, and are just fantasies, which fairy tales are made of, and that’s not real life.
The problem then is that at the first sign of things not going smoothly, the first disagreement and couples think it’s all over. Their bubble is burst, and they see the relationship in the cold light of day. They crave the Romantic love they first experienced, and spend time trying to recreate it – at any cost, believing this is the only kind of love. They cannot accept the relationship has moved on from the romantic stage. So that when the first real argument erupts they experience it as a real crisis, instead of part of the evolving deeper intimate relationship.
No- one can make us happy, and it’s unrealistic to expect another person to provide this. We are responsible for ourselves and our own happiness.
Watch this inspiring video from Tony Robbins.
If you continue to cling to and crave an unrealistic model of a partner who doesn’t actually exist, you will be unhappy. So it’s time to reassess your expectations so that you can work together as a team to build a long lasting solid, and happy marriage. Supporting each other through the tough times – because every relationship goes through them. The most enduring relationships ride the storm, accepting that this is part of life and that by working through it, will make a stronger, deeper bond that can survive the test of time.
There will be times when sex and intimacy seem to fail to exist. But that is normal, as that height of passion cannot be sustained. So the aim is to work towards being close again.
I asked a couple recently who had been married for 32 years what was their secret of a happy marriage.
They replied –
“You cannot clap with one hand”
So succinctly put, in other words it’s about working together.