It makes me so sad when I see relationships breakdown, ending and leaving devastation behind them. Sad and disillusioned people, wondering where it all went wrong, or angry that the person they fell in love with has changed, let them down.
Families split apart, children torn between two parents, watching their parents ripping into each other with harsh words. Worrying they may have played a part in it all. Often scared to show their true feelings, protecting their parents, or having to step up and fill the role of their absent parent, emotionally – physically.
At the beginning that couple had such hopes for a happy life together, feeling they could overcome any problems, facing adversity as a united front. Knowing love would conquer all.
Where did it all go wrong? Well, we can partly blame our hormones. Pheromones are what draw us to one person more than another and together with the love and bonding hormone, oxytocin are activated when we fall in love. We get a rush of adrenalin, which makes our heart beat faster and gives us a rush of energy, which in turn activates dopamine, the happy hormone.
All well and good, but those hormones cease working at that level as the relationship moves forward, heralding the end of the Romantic stage. At that point we can start to feel disappointed, or even that we have made the wrong choice in the other, our expectations dashed.
It’s at this point that communication can break down, feeling of being neglected creep in, that the other isn’t interested anymore. Arguments and meaningless bickering start, and at this point, the couple may start to look outside their relationship to get their needs met. They neglect their relationship and each other. They may limp along for several years, putting up with this situation, until one day one of them turns to the other and says those fateful words ‘ I want out, I don’t love you anymore’.
If only that couple recognised what was going on before it started going wrong and had the means to communicate their feelings effectively. Acknowledging and managing their expectations. If only they were able to talk to each other honestly that there were things in the relationship that weren’t quite right. If only they had taken action before the rot set in………………..things could have been so very different.
That’s why I ask couples to pay attention to their relationship and seek help. When they first notice that something isn’t quite right, rather than hoping it will all go away. It’s so much easier and effective for me to help couples when they come to me at that point. Once they have emotionally left the relationship it is much harder – I would say even impossible. And then they will experience all the heartache of a broken relationship……………….even worse, going onto further relationships and making the same mistakes.