So if you are in an emotional or physically abusive relationship, and you are very unhappy, scared, hurting – either emotionally or physically. You know you should leave but it’s not that easy.
I know – as I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for several years. He didn’t use physical violence against me, but the threat was there. I walked on eggshells every day, everything I said or did was measured so as not to make him angry.
He watched every move I made, monitored my phones calls, didn’t like me having friends. He threatened suicide or violence against me if I tried to leave him. He put me down all the time until I had no self-confidence left.
How could this happen to me, an intelligent woman? He kept telling me it was my fault so he must be right – it was my fault. I shouldn’t goad him, upset him, say the wrong thing or behave in a way that angered him.
How could I leave? He threatened violence against my family. I couldn’t tell anyone – I was ashamed.
At other times he was kind, considerate, and loving. He even said sorry sometimes for his behaviour. But it kept happening……..
Then I decided I couldn’t take any more.
- It wasn’t my fault – he needed to take responsibility for his actions
- His behaviour wasn’t acceptable – it wasn’t normal to show love in that way, name-calling, threats, bullying.
- I had to make it stop and tell someone
- Just because he said he loved me and apologised didn’t stop it happening time after time
- I couldn’t fix him by trying to be a better person. He needed to get help himself
So take those first steps and seek help and advice –
It wasn’t easy to leave the relationship, and it took several years to do it, but I did, and my life is so much happier now. My confidence has grown so much stronger, and I’m free, my own person.
- National Domestic Violence 24-hour National Domestic Violence -Freephone Helpline -0808 2000 247
- Refuge. Org – 0808 2000 247
- Your GP or nurse.