How much baggage are you carrying around? | Your Relationship Specialist



How much baggage are you carrying around?

We all have baggage from our past. Whether it came from our childhood, where dad cheated on mum, and we are worried we are going to be cheated on, just like mum was. We may hold the belief that all men can’t be trusted. Or perhaps the family were really poor and we are frightened that we will become poor too. All of this stuff follows us, and with each situation we experience and each relationship we collect more and more baggage. And that affects our current relationship, causing upsets and arguments. It’s not your partner’s stuff – it’s yours, and as such you shouldn’t put it on them, but deal with it yourself.

When people tell me they don’t have any baggage, I really don’t believe them! We all have it to one degree or another. It’s impossible for life events not to affect us in one way or another. It’s like collecting those scars , scratches or even wrinkles from minor bumps, incidents  or accidents on our bodies.

There are times when we will have disagreements with our partner. But actually it’s nothing to do with them. What’s happening is that it’s triggering other things in our lives that we’ve brought into that relationship.

We all have baggage, we all have those situations that left us feeling uncertain, uncomfortable, a bit wobbly. So many of this baggage can even go back to our childhood. We just don’t recognise it as baggage that we are lugging around with us.

It could be that we’ve been cheated on in a past relationship and that triggers us to feel quite uncertain in this current relationship.

So when you feel that way, when you feel that anxiety, then just stop and check whether this is your stuff from the past or whether it is something between you and your partner.

Do you really have reason to doubt him? Or is this just your stuff that you’ve experienced in the past? Don’t do it, bring it in, make sure that you are not loading it onto your current partner and your current relationship.

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