Are You and Your Partner a Good Fit?
What does being a Good Fit really mean?
Well it doesn’t mean the superficial outside packaging. Of course, if physical appearance is important to you, then that is relevant, but if you unwrap the pretty gift wrap on the outside and the inside doesn’t live up to what you expected then you are going to be quickly disillusioned.
Let’s face it, physical looks change as we get older, and whilst cosmetic surgery can help, there is a limit to the changes it can make, and its costly! If an exotic lifestyle is the attraction – what happens if the money dries up?
Will there be enough in the relationship to keep it together?
Is it important that you like all the same activities and hobbies? Not necessarily – but if one of you loves adventure and outdoor activities and the other hates all that, preferring instead to read a book, watch TV all day- it could cause problems.
It’s important to have quality time together, at the same time pursuing your own interests.
A great sex life is important to many, (some couples don’t always need that) but you can’t base your relationship on sex alone. You have to work and do the chores too!
So what makes a good fit?
Having the same core beliefs and values is the foundation of any good long term committed relationship. Wanting the same things in life, which will be different for each person, but it could include things like where you live, whether or not you both want children, if you consider careers are important.
To take an example, if one person is adventurous and wants to travel the world, and the other doesn’t want to move from the town they grew up in, needing to have strong roots, its likely to cause real issues. Resentments often arise when one person has to compromise.
And that can lead to the relationship breaking down.
Or it could be that one works away for long periods of time. Perhaps they are in the military. This can be really tough on the one left at home, they can feel they have to keep everything running at home on their own, being a lone parent for long periods of time, no one there to share the burden and responsibilities with. Again, resentments can build up, affairs can occur because one or other feels lonely and neglected .
If one partner wants children and the other doesn’t this can cause major issues, and can e a real game changer. I have also seen relationships where one has tried to change their partner’s mind, with disastrous effects, with that partner feeling they have been tricked, or manipulated into doing something they really didn’t sign up to. Even worse some trick them into parenthood.
Whilst in the throws of initial love you may feel that everything will just fall into place, and those issues you felt were just little niggles would resolve themselves in time. Sadly it doesn’t always happen that way.
- Think about what is important to you, because until you do, you won’t know the kind of relationship and partner you want
- Talk about them to your partner and whether your core beliefs and values are in line with each other.
Don’t try to be what you think the other person wants, it will likely end in tears. Broken hearts and unfulfilled dreams.
If you are struggling to find the right person in your life then get in touch, I’m always happy to chat.