Are long term relationships worth it?
I’m going to start by saying there are times when they probably aren’t. They are certainly not always a smooth journey, often encountering rocky patches.
For example –
If your relationship Is a toxic relationship – with one or both being verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. This is not only unhealthy and destroys any love you may have for each other, but it also affects self-esteem and confidence. This happened to me several years ago, I lost my confidence, feeling I was to blame for my partner’s behaviour towards me. I found it hard to leave, and it took me quite some time to find the courage, but it was the best thing I ever did. It certainly was a case where a long-term relationship was not worth it.
If you get to together for the wrong reasons. It might be that you feel a duty to stay with a partner as the result of an unplanned pregnancy. But this isn’t a good reason to try and make a relationship work that doesn’t have strong foundations.
I am confused that in this age, where contraception is freely available, at the number of young women who becomes pregnant because neither she or the guy took precautions. I have heard of several cases of one-night stands where the guy didn’t take responsibility for birth control because he trusted this complete stranger who said she had. Only to find she hadn’t. He has then been in a situation of having to support an unplanned child. Even, at times trying to make a relationship work, moving in together, when all they have in common is the child. This is not a recipe for healthy long term relationships.
If you feel lonely or scared of being on your own. If you believe that being in a relationship will make you happy, because you are unhappy on your own, will not change your feelings in the long term. My experience of working with couples has proved that it is only likely to create relationship problems. You can be very lonely in a relationship, just as much as being alone.
If you are constantly thinking there is something better out there – I see SO many couples where one of them truly thinks this. They start flirting with someone a colleague at work, or someone they meet at their local bar, or even their partner’s best friend. It then progresses to sexting and texting, sending each other explicit messages or images. They imagine this person is more exciting, interesting than the person they are with. OK, at the start it may produce the kind of feelings they had when they first met their current partner – when the hormones were raging.
Well, the reality is that those feelings will subside as time goes by. And when that happens the person becomes dissatisfied and they move on to the next relationship, looking for that buzz again. People who do this are often incapable of sustaining a long-term relationship.
If you think sex will always be amazing – No, that isn’t going to happen. Let’s face it you can’t possibly sustain the frequency of sex you had at the beginning of the relationship when you were probably at it like rabbits. As relationships deepen and you get to know your partner better, sex can be much better. You begin to understand and share things that each of you enjoy. It’s so important to talk about your likes and dislikes, as well as each other’s sex drive. Rarely are two people in complete sync, and the one with the lower sex drive is likely to control frequency leading to all kinds of frustrations in more than one way. So better to talk about it, and negotiate.
Committed long term relationships are more than physical or sexual attraction. It’s a partnership. It takes just that – COMMITMENT.
The best part of long term relationships is that you will have a partner who has your back when the going gets tough. Someone who really cares about you, and you really care about too. A friend and confidante, who will stick by you through the good times as well as the bad. Making relationships successful isn’t always an easy road. Trying to fix broken relationships doesn’t always work, especially when there are too many unresolved issues and where resentment has become ingrained. By addressing the issues as they arise and not letting things slide, talking about things that aren’t working as well as they could, and talking to each other can help avoid marriage issues.
There are times when relationship counselling or coaching with a professional can make all the difference, especially when you are just stuck and don’t know how to move forward. An experienced professional has probably heard stories just such as yours before. They are not there to judge, take sides, or even advise you what to do. Their aim is to help and support you. And help you find the solutions to make your relationship better.
Just remember, getting help and support from a professional doesn’t mean you are a failure – in fact quite the opposite. It means you really care enough to want to save your relationship.
Get in touch if you would like a chat –