When we first meet we are often physically attracted, perhaps the other has lovely eyes or you are drawn by their physique, or their laugh. We are also drawn to people by their smell. This is the pheromones at work, chemicals that are airborne, and transmitted to others in this way. There are alarm pheromones, food trail pheromones, sex pheromones, and many others that affect behaviour or physiology. And whilst we try to cover our natural odours by showering them away and masking our natural odours in perfumes, suppressing them with deodorants some of the natural odours that attract us to each other they do get through.
“After playing a sad movie scene for a group of women, researchers collected their tears and placed the unidentified fluid under men’s noses. The result was a reduced sexual arousal and testosterone levels.” – Eric Palma
So you can see some of the attraction we feel for others is out of our control, and I hope this helps us understand why we are drawn to one person rather than another.
Interestingly, scientists have been trying to make synthetic pheromones, but have been unsuccessful thus far. Who knows what will happen when they finally do!
You are drawn by other things about that person too, for example the way you laugh at the same jokes, appear to enjoy the same activities, in fact it seems you have met the person of your dreams – the one you have been searching for.
It Must Be Destiny
You become completely consumed by each other. They occupy every part of your waking day. You cannot sleep, eat or concentrate on much anything else.
I love the following quote, it sums up romantic love for me.
“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” – Sarah Dessen, American Novelist
Love seems effortless and easy. You enjoy each other’s company, wanting to be with each other all the time. It’s delicious, exciting, passionate, absorbing, heart stopping, and much, much more.
You agree on almost everything and you don’t notice those little niggles, in fact they seem quirky and endearing, and almost add to their attraction. You forgive those minor irritations, almost not noticing them, at other times dismissing them.
Sex is great, if not awesome and you feel consumed by the passion and romance. Wanting to feel engulfed by the closeness and intimacy you are sharing. It’s interesting to notice that at this point in the new relationship, sex is more about getting your needs met, your carnal satisfaction, rather than giving pleasure to your partner. Passion is enhanced by the fact that you are still unsure about each other.
It’s rather like a dance of passion, each person experiencing captivating intimacy and desire, at the same time, unsure how long the dance will continue, and whether you can continue to stay in step.
As the relationship deepens, you begin to fantasise about a future together. You may playfully talk about them, throwing nuances and comments into conversation, testing the water checking out whether they may want the same things as you.
You start visualising what is might be like to spend the rest of your lives together. For surely – that is the next step.
As magical and wonderful as this romantic stage is – it can’t and doesn’t last. I know, I have probably burst your bubble, and part of you feels I am mistaken.
However, if you are in a relationship, the chances are you recognise this, and wonder where all the romance and passion went.
If you are still totally immersed in the Romantic stage of your relationship, you are probably shouting loudly at me that I am wrong! That your relationship is different and is going to continue being Romantic and magical.
I do want to reassure you that this doesn’t have to mean the end of romance and passion. It does mean you will need to put some work into the relationship, and by doing so it will become a richer, more fulfilling partnership, which is far more intimate, and where you each learn more about each other, continually.
If you want to learn more, then read my next newsletter.